Why I'm Happily Married

So many marriages don't make it; I think that may be why people are surprised when they see a young, happily married couple. Now, David and I have only been married two years (newlyweds by almost any account), but I believe there are a few solid reasons why these first years have been enjoyable instead of burdensome.

1. We got to know each other before the wedding.
I like to have as much information as possible before I make a decision, and preparing for marriage was no different. When David's and my friendship blossomed into something more, we took intentional steps to get to know one another. We went on dates where we could talk (a personal favorite), we spent time with each other's family and friends, and we even asked David's mentor to counsel us before we got engaged! I had never heard of pre-engagement counseling, but I wondered, why should I make such a commitment in my heart before being counseled?

2. We are constantly learning about each other and revamping our expectations.
 I didn't even know I expected David to drop everything and greet me at the door after work, so how was he supposed to know? Marriage is full of unexpressed and unmet expectations. And if "hope deferred makes the heart sick," (Prov. 13:12) then it is no wonder that so many couples have a rough start. Fortunately, David and I have learned to speak up when something bothers us. Verbalizing disappointments and assumptions helps clear up misunderstandings and hurt. Don't hide from your spouse. Figuring out what works for you, as a couple, is what makes each marriage unique and beautiful.

3. We pursue God together.
This is probably the most important point, as well as the hardest one to carry out. Being raised in Christian families gave David and me the foundation we needed in our relationships with Christ, but we have found you cannot rest on laurels of the past. Each day we need to interact with God, strengthening our relationships with Jesus as individuals and a couple. We have tried (and failed to be consistent in) many things: reading through the Bible in a year, nightly devotionals, intentional "what-is-God-teaching-you?" talks, but nothing spurs me on to be with Christ like hearing my husband offhandedly mention a sermon podcast he listened to today. When we follow Christ individually, we encourage our spouses to do the same. 

David and I still have arguments and rough days. There are times we need "alone time," and we make a lot of mistakes; yet those difficult times are far outweighed by our love and commitment to each other and our Lord. May you be encouraged in your journey to know your spouse, continually change with him/her, and pursue Jesus together. 

Good 'Ole Red, White, and Blue

Wow, I am back in the United States. I am not all the way to Georgia yet--I'm in Philly for a few days for debriefing--but I am on rich, American soil.

I stepped of the plane and into the muggy heat, relishing the smell of cut grass and the song of many, many grasshoppers.

But rewind and start at yesterday. Yesterday I packed and cleaned, slept, packed and cleaned. Mid-afternoon Kirsten came over and we went shopping in Upper Norwood (where I was living) and we had "afternoon tea," which was really iced coffees for us. We met Megan back at my flat, Kirsten left, and Megan and I met Sue and Paul at a nearby restaurant.

We ate, talked, and laughed. It was a grand time as I said my final good-byes to the couple. It has been a great two months. So this morning I rushed around getting ready for the day and cleaning. Petra and Carol saw me off, and Neil was kind enough to talk Megan and me to the airport. We left at 7:30 a.m. for our flight at 12:30. At least we had plenty of time!

The flight was good. I watched two movies, read about a third of a good sized book, and talked with my seat buddies. One was an older man with a thick accent whose daughter has a Ph.D. and loves learning about other cultures. The other was a young man around my age who just spent 2 months in Kenya, teaching English. He is taking a year off of school, Princeton, that is.

But, yeah, the flight was good and someone from CLC picked us up. We had a supper of American pizza, and we were situated in air conditioned rooms. Debriefing will begin around noon tomorrow, and end in the evening (after which we can leave). I will make my way back to Savannah slowly but surely--I'm not sure when I will get there.

Something interesting: In the car on the way to Heathrow we heard the radio announcer say that pregnant women in the U.K. are being told not to take the mentality of "eating for two," because of an increased number of obese pregnant women! Megan laughed and said, "They can't tell pregnant women that! Their hormones are all out of balance--they will all cry."

Another interesting thing: Sarah Jane and Mac were closer to an airport different than Heathrow, so they flew out on a different plane. However, this meant that they had an 8 hour layover, and we just found out their connecting flight was canceled. So...I think they are going to miss debriefing and just head home. In a way I wish I was doing that too...

Prayer

My Dear Heavenly Father,

These past two months have been a definite growing season for me. But unlike the blackberries and raspberries, which season is almost over, I hope that my time of growth continues. I want to become more and more of who You want me to be. I'm not sure where you will take me, or how I will get there, but I will trust You to guide me.

If I have learned anything while here in England, it has been that I must be soaked daily in Your Word. I have also learned that there are different forms of "ministry" and "missionary work." I have seen and experienced what it would be like to serve You vocationally, and I want to do just that.

Please give me a particular passion/vision. There are so many good causes and so many needs. There is much I care about too. Show me how to use the talents and personality You gave me most efficiently.

Please keep us all safe as we travel tomorrow. Bless the CLC London team, especially the management, and also all the people who are supporting me (financially, spiritually, and emotionally). Thank you for all the friends. Thank you for all the love.

I love you.

--Lenae

Good-Bye Party

This was my last day working at the shop, but it certainly didn't feel that way. It felt like just another day in the bookshop, serving customers and chatting with my co-workers.

After work we all headed over to my manager's house for a "good-bye" party for me. They had ordered Chinese and prepared coffee, and it was all beautiful. Praise and worship music played softly in the background as we all sat around and talked.

The food was good, and the company was even better. I did my best to express what each of them meant to me, by creating and writing in a huge card. They have been my family here in the U.K., and I feel especially tied to them. As I sit here writing this, I feel the sadness I knew would eventually come from having to say good-bye.

After the meal, we had cake and coffee. By the time they all gave me the farewell card, we were all too tired for goodbye speeches. I really wish I could express how each of them has impacted me. I feel like I am almost completely different from who I was when I arrived in the U.K. God has been working a lot on me, and I am so very thankful.

You know the belonging everyone is always looking for? I found it. Yes, it is in Christ, but I never imagined it could be in Christ in such an international setting. These people who are not related to me physically, but spiritually, have become so close to my heart in such a short time. I feel like I shouldn't be leaving, you know? Like this is where I should be (even though I know that it is time to go back).

I will miss everyone. I will miss the schedule here. I will miss London (which I thought I would hate, at first). I will miss the work, which is such an amazing ministry. At this juncture, I want to serve more here with CLC. Lots of prayer and time would go into a decision like that, but for now, the desire is there.

Great Adventure

What an absolutely splendid day.

I slept in and then rose to a morning in full bloom. The sun welcomed my sleepy head, and John Piper brought God's Word before my soul. He spoke on a passage in Romans, and he emphasized the need to see both God's severity and mercy. What a great God we serve.

There was much to do, so I tidied up a bit, ate breakfast (a proper British breakfast of coffee, toast, and baked beans), and prepared myself for the day. I was to meet Bunty and Ken for afternoon tea at 4, so I knew I had to get everything done before then. Well, perhaps everything is too strong of a word. I needed to put away dry clothes, clean the kitchenette, prepare a gift and card for Bunty and Ken, prepare something for the shop tomorrow (my last day), etc. Despite the large amount to do, I became overwhelmed with weariness, so I lay down on my bed and slept.

After a good nap I popped to work. So much to do! The time to leave for Bunty's came, and I went. I gave her the card and gift, and she had prepared a scarf for me! She had a bag full of scarves she had knitted, just for gifts, and she let me choose one. I selected a deep green one, which you will hopefully see me wear sometime.

We then had parfaits made of home made custard and home grown berries with tea/coffee. Ken, Bunty, and I sat in the garden, enjoying the beautiful flowers and sunshine. Suddenly it was time to leave for church.

We picked up a Kenyan woman who also goes to All Soul's Church, and then proceeded to the service. It was a great service: music, teaching, more worship, giving, communion, more worship... Afterwords Bunty and Ken went to count the offering, so I joined the throng downstairs for coffee, tea, or juice. I drank coffee and mingled, introducing myself and meeting quite a few people. I actually became sucked into a conversation with a man from Northern England, and a rather Cockney chap from South London. The South Londoner had very little idea of personal space, which was unfortunate since he was chewing on a cookie and drinking coffee. At least his breath didn't smell bad.

We were talking when another fellow--a bit younger than the first two (this one was probably early thirties)--came up and introduced himself. He was from America, but had been working at All Soul's for seven months. He then invited the three of us out for a drink and chat at a nearby bar. The two men somehow made themselves scarce and I was left, looking up at this poor Californian. It was quite humorous really. I declined his invitation and went to go find Bunty and Ken. While waiting for them the Cockney man and a few of his friends showed up and began talking to me. One was a civil servant working for the something-or-other of defense. Another was a missionary recently returned from China. Bunty and Ken actually found me surrounded by these middle aged and elderly men, whisking me away as a young African man tried to engage me in conversation. Boy what a night!

In the car Bunty told us of her adventures trekking through Egypt and Israel. She told us of her time by the Dead Sea. Ken had done something similar, but cycling, not walking. "There are so many interesting places around the world," said Bunty. And I'm sure, she is quite right.

I became so very excited after hearing these wonderful stories. I am 21 with one year of school left--the world is before me, and I have an amazing hunger to explore it. I want to live life abundantly, to really grab ahold of the eternal life God offers now--which is to know Him. Oh goodness...to know God deeply and testify of Him to the world...now that is a great adventure!

Rest and Relaxation

It is Saturday, my day off this week, and the day has been wonderful.

I went with Bunty, Ken, and their grandson Cameron to a grand old house. They paid my admission, and we wandered around the land, enraptured by its beauty. See, the house was owned by a young widow who, instead of re-marrying, continued to move in high society and even entertain royalty.

Bunty and Ken had prepared a picnic for all of us, and we sat down in a finely manicured yard that was so big it is more accurately described as a field. But the field was not bare; there were trees in patches, and a hedge that divided the "field" from pasture land, cattle, and many, many trees. It was gorgeous.

The sun was out and the wind was blowing, making the temperature perfect. Toddlers and little children ran down the sloped field, playing tag and barely noticing the breathtaking view. Adults reclined in the grass, some on picnic blankets, others simply on the grass.

After eating we explored the mansion. Imagine living in such a place...the doors were outlined in gold, portrait upon portrait hung on the walls, and the rooms were magnificent. Every hallway was wide enough for four people to walk comfortably, or for two, if they were women wearing crinoline under their dresses.

We left the mansion for another short picnic, this time scones, cream and jam instead of sandwiches. It was delicious. Cam wanted ice cream, so Bunty and Ken bought some, and coffee for me. What generosity. What kindness. What a perfect day!

They dropped me off at my home and invited me to join them at church tomorrow night, which I plan to do. At home I cleaned my kitchenette, prepared and ate supper while watching "Faith Like Potatoes," and then started tidying my room. I'm laying on my bed listening to the neighbors who are having yet another birthday party with booming music. I don't mind so much--this time my ears don't feel like they are about to fall of my head. (When I had an earache and came home early for a rest, I found the next door neighbors partying with amazingly loud music. It was not funny then, but right now the memory brings a smile to my face.)

I have made such amazing friends here. I am trying to think of gifts to leave with them, and I'm hoping my creativity will kick in soon. Until then, I decided to write on here and tidy up a bit.

Just imagine...I'm going home soon!

Friday Night

It is midnight here, and though I am tired, I have no desire to sleep. I have less than a week left in the U.K.

It was my last day working with Mat, who is going on holiday next week. It was also my last day working with Pauline, because she is off on Monday--my last day at the shop. It is strange to feel such sadness at leaving people I only met two months ago. But these co-workers have become my friends, my family. They have proved themselves to be friends and servants of God, and each of them has earned my respect. I will miss them.

I just spent all night reading Ted Dekker's "Black." You are crazy, Lenae. You might think. Spending your last Friday night in London with a book. Pah! But quite honestly, I cannot think of a better way to enjoy London. I'm in my own flat, in my own bed, eating my own ice cream (coffee and chocolate inspiration--yes, yes, two kinds of ice cream), feeling the cool U.K. air through the open window. As it is midnight, the sun will rise in four and a half hours, but I don't care. This time is precious. I want to soak in every minute of it.

I ran into a life lesson today, so here it is:

A customer called and asked for a C.D. Well, she actually asked if we had a particular song, at which point I explained that our database is a catalogue of album titles, authors, ISBN numbers, and publishers, but not of individual songs. So she told me the artist. I punched his name in, but again, the name of the song she wanted did not pop up, because there was not an album so titled. However, there was a Messianic C.D. (i.e. a choir singing Hebrew and English songs) which was titled the name she was looking for--but I knew this was not what she wanted. Certainly not if she was looking for a Michael W. Smith song... My colleague tried to explain this to the woman over the phone, but the customer simply did not understand. She wanted to buy the Messianic C.D. She finally hung up saying she would just come in to the store. Good idea, I thought.

I got on google and searched both the Messianic C.D. and the Michael W. Smith song...yep, completely different. I went over to our CDs and went through Smith's albums looking for that particular track--yep, it was there on a particular C.D.

When the woman came in, I handed the C.D. to Pauline and we let her listen to it. She was not the easiest customer to deal with...though she did end up buying the Michael W. Smith C.D.

Anyway, the whole scene reminded me of a lesson I have written of in previous posts. Like today's customer, we humans know what we want. We want love, we want to belong--things like that. We talk to God, not one hundred percent sure what we are looking for or where to find it. When we run across something that looks like what we want, we immediately think, "Oh! This is is. Just give me this." However, that first option is sometimes an imitation, a counterfeit with the same name. "Give me this, God," we cry, but He graciously withholds. He knows what we want/need, far better than we do. God will not give us imitations. He will supply all we need.