Halfway

Yesterday, the 28th, was my half-way point for my internship. All I can really say is, "Wow."

I think I am a different person than I was when I left the United States. I came to the United Kingdom with a downtrodden spirit and begrudging soul. It had been a year of adjustment and sorrow, and this internship (though exciting) was simply something to do. A place to escape.

I saw God as my far-off Savior, even though I knew He was near. I knew He was faithful, but I did not feel His presence.

So today I look back at what I have gone through and how I have changed, and I PRAISE GOD! He has given me a new desire to be close to Him and to serve Him. He walked with me through the mud of loneliness and the sludge of guilt. When I fell sick, He picked me up and told me I could trust Him. I am at a loss for words to describe all He has done...

God sent me to London because He knew what was best for me. When I first heard that I was assigned to London I thought, Oh no...a loud noisy city...and I know it rains a lot...sigh...it is going to be difficult to keep my spirits up. Little did I know that a better suited internship could not have been made for me.

Living by myself has fostered responsibility: Rebekah is not here to do the dishes or take out the trash (thanks Roomie for all your room cleaning last year :), Dad is not here to go to the grocery store (thanks Dad, our household really appreciates your grocery runs) or handle money, Mom is not her to cook (thank you Mom for your three-time-a-day cafe!) or clean, and I must make a conscious effort to be sociable.

God has blessed me with a family here--the CLC family--when times are hard. Pauline has cooked supper for me. Megan helped me through a very painful night. Petra brought me beautiful flowers, my favorite berries, and "how are you?" visits. Carol brought me an electric fan and provided some pain medication before I had any. Paul and Sue showed me around London and checked up on me to see how I was doing. Mat noticed I was quiet and asked how I was feeling. Look at all the love I am receiving from people I did not know a month ago!

Sure, I have gone through some difficult things, but God is so much greater. And He has used those things to change me. It is my hope that when Mom and Laura come next weekend (so soon, and so exciting!) they will be encouraged by how much God has encouraged me.

If you haven't done so today, I would suggest spending some time in God's Word and praying. It makes a world of difference.

Rough Day: Understatement

Today was one of those days where, at the end, all you can do is laugh at everything that went wrong, and be utterly thankful for the few things that did go well.

Not so good things that happened today:

• Well, after going to the A&E yesterday, I knew I needed to go to the specialist today. Petra, my manager, gave me the day off to rest and get better (the best idea ever, in hindsight), so I headed straight away to the Ear, Nose and Throat hospital. It was about an hour and half venture by bus and underground (subway), and by the end of it I was hot and nauseous.
• I waited in the clinic from 10:30 until 1 to see the doctor, and though it was quite a long time, I had mentally prepared for a wait, so it was not a big deal. I even hugged my purse close and slept a bit in the waiting room!
• When I was called back, the doctor had to get a suction tube and run it in and out of my ear. Painful? YES!! My ear was completely blocked from swelling and oozing, so the cleaning was a painful and nasty ordeal. Then she put a "wick" in my ear to keep the passage open for drops. The drops are actually for both ears, because now my right ear is beginning to get infected too.
• After all that was done, I got a sub sandwich "to go" and decided a train would be not as nauseating as the underground. The train ride was really nice. The bus ride afterword? Not so much. I drank my soda to stay cool, but as I got off the bus I knew I was about to throw up. A few men stood by and watched as I stumbled over to a tree and...it was gross. I felt a little better after all the soda was out of my body, but the sandwich I was carrying lost its appeal.
• When I got to the flat, it was very hot, even though the windows were open. My pain meds were starting to wear off, and things just were not going well. I even discovered that I have a 4-6 page paper to write for school due either today or tomorrow. Lots to do.
• After supper I even tried to wash dishes, but ended up dropping, and shattering, a glass...

Good things that happened:

• The hospital filled the prescription right there. I was so thankful to not have to walk or ride to a pharmacy and then wait an hour or two for my drugs.
• All my white clothes are clean, because I put them in the wash before I left for the doctor.
• When I needed drops put in my ears, Pauline (my neighbor), helped me out. She is a co-worker of mine and she is a sweetheart. She offered to cook me supper, which she brought over about 45 minutes later. It was DELICIOUS. One plate was full of meat and vegetables and onions, and the other was a pita-like bread. This was one of the best meals I have had here in London.
• Petra and Carol came and visited me as well. It was great to know that they were thinking of me and cared so greatly. Carol even said she had a fan I could use in my room. What a blessing! The fan works so well, and is keeping me from burning up.
• I got to talk with my Mom and my Dad today, which was great. Just hearing from them (and complaining to them) was helpful.
• And while all this craziness was going on, I made time to read a bit of the Bible. I needed God so badly. I read Psalm 45 and remembered my time in Ephesians. I was stunned, again, by the fact that the God of the universe loves me and desires me. He is with me and He comforts my lonely soul. I knew in my head that He satisfies completely, before all this happened, but now I know from experience that He completely satisfies.

I'm sitting here in the dark and coolness of my room now, amazed at all my blessings. I will make it through this, and my Heavenly Father will be right beside me the whole way.

Hillsong and the ER

My last post was short and sweet because I was too tempted to complain about my earache. However, now I have a story, so I feel that is it appropriate to fill in some details.

Friday I woke up with the horrible feeling that something was wrong--not with me, but just in general. I prayed for just about everyone I could think of, because the feeling was vague but strong.

That night, I woke up at midnight with a head-splitting earache. It is hard to describe how a pain from such a small part of the body could cause so much hurt. But, if you have ever experienced an earache, you understand. It is quite awful. I found that I could not comfortably lay my head down, and for the rest of the night I woke up every two hours, wrestling for a good 20 minutes against the pain each time. I prayed fervently, and rest came sporadically. The result was an aching and discouraged Lenae on Saturday morning.

I went in to work on Saturday with my hope resting in prayer and painkillers. I couldn't open or close my jaw the whole way, so eating was difficult, talking was minimal, and smiling hurt too! I was quite the mess. Thankfully, Carol told me to go home early (which I needed to do anyway, to prepare for Megan).

I became even more discouraged when I got home, because, after looking forward to peace and quiet, I found the reality to be that my neighbors were having a birthday party with the music cranked way, way up. Aside from my throbbing ear, even the air around me was pulsing with the beat. Nevertheless, I ate supper, cleaned the flat, and went to pick up Megan.

Poor Megan! A trip that should probably have taken her an hour and a half, took her about 3 hours. She went way out of her way because of mislead travel plans, and then she missed her bus. She found herself wandering around, looking for a bus (which number she did not know), without my cell phone number, which she had accidentally left at her house. It was about 10 p.m. when she and I finally connected, and she had not even eaten supper!

"Now Megan," I said, "I have a pretty bad earache, so if you hear me in the middle of the night start whimpering, just ignore me, I will be okay." She looked at me rather incredulously, and we both prepared for bed.

Sure enough, I woke up at two, unable to bear the pain. It was worse than the previous night, and there was nothing I could do escape the hurt. Megan ended up waking up and immediately became my nurse. She brought be a heated washcloth, and she rubbed my back as I cried. She stayed up with me from about 3 a.m. to 3:30. I finally fell asleep, waking up at 7. I didn't need to get up until 8, but there was no chance of sleeping again.

Fast forward. Megan and I left for Hillsong Church, but missed Kirsten because she missed her train. That was okay, because we planned to meet her at or after church. However, I only lasted a few minutes in the service because the music was so loud and booming. I came out knowing my ear problem had to be addressed today.

Megan coordinated everything as I sat at a table cradling my head in my hands. She found out where the nearest clinic (that would take Americans without "British insurance") was. She texted Kirsten and let her know where we were going. And, she coaxed me along toward the Hospital.

We got to the A&E (Accidents and Emergencies--the British form of an ER) part of the nearest hospital, and I checked in. In triage I did my best to explain the urgency of my situation, without exaggerating. The nurse came back with two pain pills, one, a larger dose of what I had already been taking, and the other, codeine. Thats some pretty strong stuff. I was all smiles and stories for the next two hours in the waiting room.

The nurse practitioner looked at me for about 5 minutes, gave me antibiotics and stronger doses of the painkiller I had been using. He then told me that I had an ear infection (which I had kind of gathered) and that I needed to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. They could clean my ear--which is really nasty at the moment, and so swollen that I can't hear out of it--and then give me drops. They are only open on weekdays though, so that will wait for tomorrow.

The rest of the day was spent touring London with Megan (who had not been in London yet) and Kirsten (who met up with us in the A&E waiting room). I was steadily taking pills--painkiller, Ibuprofen, antibiotics--and held out strong most of the day. We window shopped a lot, walked through some parks, saw some landmarks, and ate at a cute diner and coffee shop. Now that Megan and I are safely back in my flat, I am updating my blog and praying that tonight I (and Megan) will get some rest.

Probably the most encouraging part of the day was to hear from my Mom and Dad who called me to make sure I was okay. Just hearing their voices brought me comfort. My older sister also e-mailed me, letting me know she was praying for me. And Megan and Kirsten watched out for me all day long. I thanked God every time the pain subsided, and also for my many friends and family members who care about me.

Now, I don't know if that foreboding feeling I had on Friday was for myself, or Megan (as she got lost on her way here), or for someone else, but this certainly has been a trying time. But encouragement and praise have come out of it too. I thank God for the health I do have, and that the ear infection is in one ear and not both! It is imperative that I keep my eyes on Him at this time. Please continue to pray for my healing, and if you want to, let me know that you are praying for me. It is a great encouragement.

Please Pray

I have an earache. It is very painful. I don't know if I can see a doctor today because it is Saturday. Please, please, pray for me.

Update

Okay, bad news first:

I am VERY sunburned around my neck, I am starting to get an earache, and my loft is severely lacking in "tidiness."

Good news:

Today is Friday!!

Just kidding, that's not the only good news. Tomorrow Megan (one of the other interns) is going to come over and spend the night, and I am greatly looking forward to spending time with someone my age. On Sunday, we will head to church and hang out with Kirsten (another American, oh goodness).

Even though I'm not feeling the best physically, I am doing very well spiritually. My time with God has been so good...and I don't think I could be more encouraged by Ephesians and 1 Samuel. God is showing me that He chose me, He loves me, and He has a plan for my future. I don't have to fret about tomorrow, next month, or even years in advance. God is with me every minute, and He directs my path.

I am so thankful for this time in England. It has been a great gift from God. Though I'm not always happy--life tends to be full of ups and downs--I am secure in Christ. He hugged me tonight and whispered of His love for me. He is so worth it. Worth everything.

I Could Live Here

When I was on the train the other day, a crazy thought struck me...I could live here, in England. For instance, what if I had a 2 year internship with CLC instead of a 2 month one? Would that be enough time to become a vital part of a growing church here? Anyway, if it wasn't, I could stay longer...

I found myself day dreaming about the attractive aspects of London culture: the pace of life, the diversity of people, the million things to do. I love public transport (buses, trains, undergrounds, or trams--give me anything!). I love ministering to people every day. Sure, working in the bookstore can be a bit monotonous, or tedious, but when I remember again that I am showing Christ's love to others, the tasks take on a new luster.

I could do this, I mean, really do this. I might not be with CLC, but I know that I want to serve people, share the Gospel, and be a light. How awesome would that be? I have never realized all the possibilities.

Sunshine and Green Grass

Today was my weekly day off. As all holidays should, it began with sleeping in. I woke up to the sun shining brilliantly and an unplanned day. One word: bliss.

Don't worry though. I didn't stay at home all day reading a book. No, I went outside and read a book! :) I wandered around my neighborhood for a few minutes with the vague idea of finding a park I knew was close by. With my confused inner compass it is quite amazing that I actually made it to the park in one piece.

Now, when I say park, I'm not sure what images come to your mind. Perhaps you think of a brightly colored plastic playground with slides and swings. Or maybe you think of a baseball and soccer field (excuse me, football field). Well, the park I went to today had both, and more! Crystal Palace Park is field after field of paths, benches, ponds, and ruins. Everywhere you look is green, and on a bright day like this, the park was bustling with adults, children, and dogs.

After grabbing a bite for lunch at a local cafe, I meandered around the park. I decided to sit down on a bench and read a few chapters of a book I recently picked up after walking for quite some time. Reading was interspersed with people and dog watching, praying and pondering. When I got tired of reading, I would get up and follow a different fork in the path, until I came to a new bench or new sight.

I saw a dinosaur made of recycled junk. I saw an ice cream van (so of course I had to get ice cream). I saw and got lost in a maze! I even saw a little waterfall in the park. Time went by so quickly...I didn't even notice my arms turning pink. Yes, I am very unevenly sunburned. Aloe vera will be a very close friend soon.

I spoke with my Mom on the phone, making plans for when she and Laura (my sister) come to visit me. I also got a package from Mom today bearing cookies! Thanks Mom :) I appreciate all the hard work you are doing, and I can hardly wait to see you soon!

Well, I have a frozen pizza in the oven, and I'm starting to smell it, so I should probably go. Plans for tonight? Finish my book, pray a bit more, maybe watch a movie, sleep. I'd say it was a successful day off.

Something Lost, Something Gained

Chhhh...chhhh...chhhhh............. That was the sound of my train pulling away as I ran onto the platform today. I knew I was leaving later than normal from my flat, but I had too much pride to run all the way to the station. The result? I had to wait 20 minutes for the next train, which was no big deal, except for the fact that it presented 3 wonderful opportunities.

Opportunity 1: As I was rushing around in my flat (getting ready for the day), I had asked God for a little time at the shop to spend with Him. There were many people to pray for--a lot on my heart. Now, I found myself with 20 spare minutes on my hands! I plopped down on the nearest bench and pulled out my journal. "Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this unexpected time with you..."

Result: Giving my burdens to God, receiving peace.

Opportunity 2: Because I missed my first train, I also missed the connection I would have made, so I found myself waiting another 16 minutes at the next station. There is a small coffee/pastry shop at the station, so I decided to go in. I ordered a cappuccino (which I always think of with an Italian accent, thanks to Davide) and left feeling blessed. Though the establishment is not a Christian one, I was served with a smile and jovial spirit. I took the time to look at the napkin and coffee cup, and found their script to be extremely humorous. I sat down on a bench, waiting, and chuckled at my coffee cup--the man sitting next to me seemed rather concerned that he was sitting next to a crazy person, but I didn't mind.

Result: A good laugh, a smile, coffee, energy!

Opportunity 3: On the second train I sat across from a young pregnant woman. She seemed very involved in whatever it was she was reading, so I stayed silent. However, at another stop, another young lady (23-24ish) sat down next to me...only, she turned her back to me (a definite "do not talk to me" posture, for those of you who read body language). I thought about it for a little while and decided to break the "silence" barrier. She was reading hand-written notes about the ionization of radon...

"Studying for an exam?" She looked up, "Oh no," she smiled, "I'm " and she went back to reading. Well, just as you can't see what she said, I didn't hear what she said...she was not studying...what on earth was she doing?

I waited for a few more stops before trying again, "That is a beautiful ring on your finger. Are you engaged?"

Her face lit up, "Why yes! But we aren't getting married for another whole year. We work in the same hospital, which is why I am interviewing at a different one today..."

Ah, an interview. Turns out Amy (which was her name) is a radiologist two years out of school. She was so kind, and we had a lovely talk until we went our separate ways.

Result: New friend, a realization that I can be bold and talk to people on trains (it just isn't done in London!)

So, if I had not missed the train, I would not have had that journaling time, coffee and smile, new friend, or new-found boldness. I'm not saying God desires for me to be late everyday, but I am thankful that He works in unexpected ways.

Walk by Faith

"I want to talk to somebody who works here."

I looked up from behind the counter at the bookshop. The voice belonged to a thirty-something man with wide eyes and wringing hands.

I smiled, "How can I"

"I want to talk to somebody who works here," he said again. I looked down...yes, I did have on my name-tag... the man turned to Bunty, a white-haired woman who has aged gracefully with her colorful clothes and her high pitched British voice.

"I need to talk to somebody who works here, privately," he said.

Bunty and I looked at each other, "You will have to talk with Paul (he was the only man at the shop today), but he is at the post office right now. If you wait, he can talk to you when he gets back.

The man walked nervously around the shop, waiting for Paul to return. He reminded me of the first night my family ate out in Savannah. We had gone to a hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop, and were just finishing as a man stumbled in towards the counter. I need help. We all heard him say. I'm suicidal, please help me. The cashier called the cops and paramedics came to help the man. But we don't have paramedics in the shop.

I really was concerned, for the man, and for Bunty and myself. The man hung around the counter for a while, looking desperate. Finally Paul came.

I didn't actually see the man leave, testimony to his quick exist, but I was told he left in a huff.

"What happened Paul? What did he say?"

"It came down to, he wanted money. When I told him our store doesn't give out money, he stormed out..." So that was it.

Apart from that excitement, today was a non-traumatic, easy-going day. A good day. An "it's already time to go home?!" day, which was far from what I thought it would be this morning.

I woke up this morning with an uneasy feeling. I had tossed and turned throughout the night, and had a disturbing dream right as I was waking. Shaking that off I had my quiet time with God, showered, made my bed, and ate breakfast (peanut butter and pretzels--yum). I also made a mental note that there was only one meal left in my cupboards--butternut squash soup--I needed to go shopping.

I felt a little queazy on the train, but attributed it to dehydration. I drank water and "pressed" coffee at the shop, needing the energy and the liquid.

But even before the shop opened, the day turned brighter. During staff prayer, I was humbled to come into God's presence so boldly with my brother and sisters. As the shop opened, my first customer was an older, bubbly African woman, who was more than happy to laugh and talk with me. I was given two projects to do (during one of which I learned how to laminate--new favorite thing to do!). Lunch was quite tasty, and the sunshine was brilliant outside.

I did go grocery shopping. I bought bread, cereal, pasta, sauce, juice, etc, etc. But most exciting of all du du dah! RASPBERRIES!! I came home and indulged in a hearty supper and then dessert, with my favorite berry covering a mound of ice cream. I washed the dishes and swept the floor. I said hello to friends and family through chat and e-mail, and now I am sitting contentedly upon my bed. It was a great day.

Father's Day

I feel that I cannot let this day go by without making a public declaration.

My Dad is the best dad in the world.

Allow me to explain why:

If you know my Dad, you know that he is cool headed and kind. He is always looking for solutions to broken relationships (which is what makes him such a great Human Resources Manager), and he is the best mediator I know.

Dad works harder and longer than I can (...though that might not be saying much!), and I have never heard him complain about his work.

My Dad loves my Mom, which is evident every time he cleans the kitchen, or the garage, or takes out the trash, or goes through the mail. Even after a long day at work, he shows his love through his actions, which is what Mom really needs.

My Dad has always been there for me and my siblings. Some of my favorite memories from my childhood include when he would come home in the evenings and Laura and I would yell, "Dad!!" and run to him for a big hug. He would always bring us presents back after a business trip, and I knew that if I had nightmares, he would hold me and read the Psalms.

My Dad is very funny, which I have come to appreciate more and more as I grew old enough to understand his subtle humor. Though, I could never forget the childhood teasings of, "You want Blinky Barns to knock it out?"

When I think of Dad I think of his smile and laugh. His whole face widens into a smile, and if the joke is good enough, his eyes will water from the laughter.

Dad is so understanding and such a good listener. If I ever need him, I know he is there for me.

You know, not many people have such a great dad as I do. He loves God, and I believe that has made all the difference in who he is and how he treats Mom and us kids.

So, Dad, if you are reading, I hope you have been honored by my reflection of you. You are living and loving well, and you are bringing God great glory through your life. I thank Him for you often. I love you. I miss you. Happy Father's Day.

A Good Day

On the bus I must have looked like a terribly distracted young lady. I was looking out the window, but did not see anything that we passed. I was thinking a million things...

The day started off very well. I slept in. I prayed. I read 1 Samuel 10, and it was exactly what I needed. Do you ever read a story and suddenly exclaim, "This is me! This story has me in it! I am that character." Well, maybe you haven't done that, but today I found myself personified in the Israelites.

"Give us a king!" they demanded of God. "We want to be like the other nations. We want to follow someone who we can see and talk to and touch. We want a king!"

You can almost hear the crowd chanting..."We want a king. We want a king!"

Samuel is very disturbed by the request of the Israelites, taking their rejection personally. But God shares otherwise. The people have not rejected Samuel as their leader, but God Himself. He would give them a king...but the history of the kings of Israel would not be a pretty one.

But it was what God said right before he revealed Saul as the "chosen" one, that really struck my heart.

"I brought up Israel out of Egypt, and delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all kingdoms, and of them that oppressed you: ¹⁹And ye have this day rejected your God, who himself saved you out of all your adversities and your tribulations; and ye have said unto him, Nay, but set a king over us." (1 Samuel 10: 18-19)

God rehearsed his faithfulness to the Israelites...He had rescued them from slavery, He had protected them in the Promise Land, and He had saved them from enemies time and time again. Whenever they were in trouble, He was the One who delivered them. He was, is, always faithful.

What conviction struck my heart! How often do I cry out for a "king," forgetting God's faithfulness in my own life? I asked myself when God had been faithful in my life, and found the question ridiculous--so many times, so many stories, so many instances...He has always been faithful! A better question was, when had God not been faithful...and the answer? Never.

So, as I said, the day began very well. I met up with Paul and Sue and we went to a bazaar. I bought a few nick-nacks for people, and we made our way to an annual, live, 10 minute snippet, showing of the popular musicals. We watched and listened to the cast from Jersey Brothers, Mamma Mia, Lion King, etc. It really was quite the show (especially since it was free and we ate ice cream).

It was at the bus stop, waiting for the bus, that I became contemplative. A man was standing outside a grocery store, selling magazines and asking for money. He made his dog--a nice looking black lab--lay down and sprawl out. He was the kind of person people ignore and walk past, because you know they will ask you for something.

As I boarded the bus I wondered about how we are to treat beggars and "the poor." Do you give someone money simply because he asks for it (and looks like he needs it)? Naturally, you don't know what that person will do with any money you give them...but if you offer food, would they really eat it? I heard tell of a man who carries restaurant vouchers with him, to give to those who ask. I am simply unsure what my response should be, but I can't imagine ignoring people as if they don't exist would be the right course.

Regardless of all this heavy thinking, it was a good day :)

I'm still hopeful of finding an evening service to pop into, though there might not be many since it is Father's Day.

Flying

So last night I had one of my rare flying dreams. I can't remember everything that was going on, but I know that I was running around town like a maniac with friends, trying to make plans for what we were going to do. All of a sudden I found myself in a glider/hot air balloon thing. I could rise and fall and turn through the air at will. While I was in the air I saw a hot air balloon with a couch attached to it instead of a basket--the side of the couch had something about "just married" on it. But as I glided up and down, I suddenly realized the couch had four people sitting on it instead of two! We all descended and I recognized my girl friends. Two of them were my roommate (Rebekah)'s little sisters! They started talking to me about planning to go to a concert, but we would all have to fly to Korea to get there. Korea?! And they acted like that was no big deal...

I woke up to a sun-shiny day and smiled. My healthy has almost fully returned, and it is my day off. I plan to clean my loft, go out with Sue and Paul (a couple from work), and then come home to a novel.

Amidst all these big plans and flying dreams, I want to share what I read in 1 Samuel 10 today. It's the story of Samuel anointing Saul, the first king of Israel. Samuel told Saul, "And the Spirit of the Lord will come upon thee, and thou shalt prophesy with them, and shalt be tuned into another man" (verse 6) and then in verse 9, "And it was so, that when he had turned his back to go from Samuel, God gave him another heart: and all those signs came to pass that day."

Wow. I really want that, so I prayed that God would "turn me into another woman," a woman whose heart is completely sold out to Him. I was given "another heart" as well as God's Spirit when I was saved, but I long for my completion, my sanctification. I ask that He change me daily. How great, to know Him and become like Him.

Internship Goals

Today is Thursday, the long day at work, however...I am not there. No, I am in my bed at my loft, resting. The dreaded sore throat has diminished, but my head has not ceased to pound. (There are so many different meanings of pound: to hit something hard, a measurement of weight, a U.K. monetary unit, etc--this comment is free of charge)

Anyway, I thought I would inform you of my goals for this internship:

Learn

1. How London culture is different than "American"

2. What a Christian Londoner looks like

3. How London churches function with such ethnic diversity

Become

1. Tidy

2. Engaging, personable, and honest in all my conversations

3. Discerning in regards to people's needs at a particular moment

4. Bold and Determined in my exploration of the city

Do

1. My job at the bookstore with confidence and efficiency

2. A meal I did not know how to cook before

3. Memorize 5 chapters of Scripture

4. Read 5 books

Now that you know my goals, this is what I have accomplished so far: I have cooked lasagna (well, it was close enough to lasagna), memorized Psalm 4, read 2 books (Never Let You Go by Erin Healy, and When Love Ends: and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty by Jackie Johnson), and learned a lot about London. I hope to be able to check these goals off at the end of my time, and already I feel like I am making good headway!

When you read this, remember me in prayer please.

Being an Adult is Difficult...You Have to do Laundry Even When Sick

Yes, I am ill.

Despite my attempts to rest much, eat healthily, and stay clean, I have a sore throat. I admit, I felt it coming on about a week ago, but ignored the tickle until today. This morning I woke up with a full blown ache in my throat and a severe desire to stay in bed. But, as Sarah was leaving this morning (and my co-workers were expecting me in the shop), I could not stay in bed.

Sarah left for the airport and I left for work, but things didn't get much better. I took some meds, but my head started feeling fuzzy and I had a hard time focusing on price tags and numbers. Lunch left me feeling full but still sick. Petra and Carol told me I could go home early and get some rest.

So that is what I have done. I got home around 4 and slept until 8, when I woke up and realized I had no clothes for tomorrow. Laundry HAD to be done, even if only one load. The loft is a bit out of order too. And I needed to blog/check my e-mails. That is what I am doing now, and I'm desperately looking forward to resting again.

Keep me in your prayers please. This has been a good week, and it would be disappointing to be out of commission for a few days.

Last Supper

Tonight was Sarah's last supper here in England. Fittingly, we decided to eat Fish and Chips and go for a walk. The walk was insanely long (a trip that normally takes the bus 15-20 minutes, and took us 1 hour), but it was good to spend the time with her.

It was perhaps the busiest day in the shop so far. People bustled in and out, looking and buying. One of my favorite things to do is help people find gifts for others. I imagine what I would like to receive as a present, and then I direct my customers to that very thing. It is quite enjoyable.

I am quite tired, so I will hopefully write more tomorrow, but for now that is all. Goodnight all.

A Brilliant Day

Three thoughts went through my mind as I sat on the bus going home today:

1. I am so tired!

2. That African woman is so beautiful!

3. I can't believe Michael Jackson is dead. I wonder if the people here know who he was.

It is actually not that unusual for my mind to be going in 200 different directions in one moment, but it does make it sweet when I have time to rest. Which I can hardly explain how wonderful it was to come home to my loft and find it clean and sparkling. Sarah Collier, who had taken the day off and just chilled in my loft, had also cleaned it. It set my mind at ease to see everything in its place. What a blessing.

The second exciting thing that happened tonight was that Petra took Sarah, Carol, and myself to IKEA. I had never been before, but my International Business professor at CU had ranted and raved about it, so I had high expectations. Those expectations were met and exceeded! What a fantastic store! What great prices and cool items! Seriously, if anyone is looking for some fun shopping or just an hour of amazing window shopping--go to IKEA.

I really must let you know--it is not easy to have daily devotions and prayer time. It is easy to find films to watch, people to talk to, and books to distract me from God. But why would I want to be kept from Him? Probably sin--the flesh. It is quite illogical really: when my soul is restless or ashamed, God is the only One who will calm me and lift my guilt. When I hide my sin, He is the One who exposes it, but also washes it away. I am so full of praise for my Savior and King. I'm not perfect, but my God is. He deserves our praise and worship.

Sarah's Sunday

So today was the busy Sunday I was a little apprehensive about, but definitely looking forward to. For starters, Sarah Collier came over and spent the night--we cooked, ate, and talked together, and planned for our big day today. The plan? Wake up, go to Hillsong's church in London at 10:30, go to the Global day of Prayer at 1:30, and attend David Phelp's concert at 8. Ambitious you say? Yeah...it was.

So the day began with a slight miscalculation. I thought (for some odd reason) that we did not need to head to Hillsong's church, which is 1 hour away, until 9:50. Needless to say, we realized we could never make it there on time, so Sarah and I decided to make the "Global day of Prayer" stop, our first. We stopped and had lunch, walked around a bit, and then moved on.

The Global Day of Prayer was more like a meeting for next year's Global day of Prayer. Though there were hundreds, and maybe even a thousand people in the stadium, it was still over half empty. Sarah and I joined a group of church volunteers and heard members of Parliament speak, and then we joined a group of students who were going up on stage to pray. Neither of us prayed into the mic, but we were both on TV, praying for London, the U.K., and our generation. It was a different type experience, as some of the "youth" and adults began speaking in tounges (something I haven't been exposed to much)...can't say I was comfortable, but just the same, I prayed for God to bring out leaders in my generation to reach London and the U.K. for Christ.

Sarah and I also found ourselves in a mostly Islamic part of town...which was different, to say the least. Here we were, two American girls in sundresses and sandals--the only exposed shins for blocks. All around us were bright clothes, head scarfs, and burkas. No exposed skin except for eyes and hands. Sarah and I felt culturally insensitive, but we didn't know we would be there! Maybe that is not a good excuse...but that's what happened.

Our third outing, to the David Phelps concert, was fantastic. I had such a great time listening to him sing...he seems to put his heart and soul into praising God with his voice. Honestly, his voice is like an instrument created by God which David has learned to skillfully play. He even sang a few of the songs he wrote himself. It was quite a treat. I was also excited because Sarah was not familiar with his music, so I was able to introduce her to his beautiful worship. It really was a time of praising God and reflecting on His greatness.

The trip home was a bit sticky, seeing as how it was dark. It was a bit intimidating, even with two of us, especially when the bus we got on did not stop where we needed to get off. After two undergrounds and two buses, we finally made it back to my flat at 11:45. I think I will try to get in before dark from now on...

But it was a good day overall, and I thank God for my safety and His character. What a great Sunday!

Late Night

Well, tonight is indeed a late night. It is 1 a.m. and Sarah Collier and I are still up. We have had a fantastic time together, which mostly consisted of dragging her suitcase up a huge hill, going to Sainsbury's for groceries, preparing our three course supper, and hanging out with Petra and Liz (my store manager and her house-mate). The tree course meal, by the way, was so beautiful I had to take a picture of it. Imagine an appetizer of pretzels and crackers with humus, garlic dip, and cheese, then a caesar salad, and then mac-n-cheese for the main course. Ice cream and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. YUM!

You know, I don't really have anything to report about the bookshop. Business has been slow this week, probably because of the rain. However, today was the busiest Saturday I have been here for (and that is probably because of the World Cup football game)! It was a joy to help people out, order new books, and check stock. One of my favorite parts though, is the fact that we can take books with us on our breaks. I normally bring one down with me, but I usually end up putting it aside. As much as I love reading, nothing quite compares to live interaction. And my co-workers are well worth "interacting" with.

That has really been one of the great blessings here, my co-workers. Throughout the day we laugh and joke and encourage each other. Working at CLC is really about the people (customers and workers) and not the profit. As I was working today I realized, this really is a ministry. We are providing affordable, Christian resources to people who may not have access to such literature otherwise. How great is that?

But yes, tomorrow (or later today really) is jam packed with activities. I will definitely write a post on it after the day is over--provided I don't fall asleep too quickly!

I got lost again today. Well, not really lost...I just didn't know how to get from where I was to where I needed to be...but it all worked out :) I must have no internal compass.

Free Day

Today is a long day for my co-workers, who get out at 7:00 instead of 5:30, but for me it is a day off--a much needed day of rest.

I got up at 10 a.m. today, read my Bible, ate breakfast, and decided what to do with myself. Sleeping in brought new life to my tired self, and despite the foggy morning, I had a cheery outlook. Before long I headed out to get my hair cut and get some lunch. I ordered my first "Fish and Chips" (don't be deceived, it's really fried fish and french fries), but had to get them to-go so I could make it in time for my hair appointment.

Have you ever noticed how refreshing it is to get a hair cut? It's like a new beginning, a fresh start, a weight off the shoulders (go ahead, chuckle, you know it was a good play on words). A good friend of mine once told me that if a girl does something dramatic for/to herself, like a new hairstyle, new clothes, a change of some sort, it usually means she has made a big decision. She is declaring something. It may not always be true, but it is certainly something to ponder.

I rushed home with my food and ate the meal at my desk. It was fantastic, despite not being hot. Who knew such a strange combination was so tasty? The British, thats who :) I proceeded to sit on my loveseat and read a novel, which I just finished. I called my mother, got online, and am relaying it all back to you now.

For me it is already 4:45, and weariness is already setting back in. I have a big weekend ahead of me. Prayer has become my lifeline, and God's strength is what I must lean on everyday. I'm trying to find a good Bible study to become a part of. As you join with me in prayer, please remember that request.

A Message Worth Telling

I asked God in my prayers today to give me a message. Not being eloquent with the spoken word, I hope to make a difference, someday, through writing. “What would you have me tell the people?” I asked God. And this is what happened.

I remembered my sin. I remembered the things I have said, done, and thought. I wept as I realized the magnitude of my offenses against the One, True God, the one who is three times holy. I cry again as I write this, for my sins are many.

Then I remembered what Christ did, and I cried some more (I know, I know, very emotional). God Almighty, the Creator, left His throne and glory to be robed in the flesh of a man. He experienced life, pain, and temptation, but He did not sin. He was, is, perfect. And in His perfect obedience, Jesus laid down His life as a substitute for mine. When He died on the cross He took the punishment for my sin—He was the only acceptable sacrifice.

But he did not remain dead. Jesus rose from the grave, proclaiming victory over sin and death—proving He is the Giver of life. And this is the life He has given me: to know Him and make Him known. The Comforter (or Holy Spirit as He is often named) resides more intimately than with me, He lives in me. He guides me, though I don’t always listen well.

If I have nothing more than this Gospel to proclaim, then I still have a message worth living and dying for.

Thank you, God, for filling me when I was empty.

Busy Weekend, Crowded Mind

I am thinking about a lot tonight.

I am thinking about what a great time I had with Sarah this weekend. Though she had to sleep on my loft floor (the love-seat is too small), she was cheerful and excited from Saturday night through Monday morning. What a blessing it was to go to All Souls Church (the church John Stott used to preach at/attend) with her, and what a surprise to find the Moody Bible Institute Choir there! They were finishing up a 3 week tour of the U.K. (I think), and hearing the ensemble was like listening to the angels sing praises to God.

I am thinking about something I read in "Forgotten God," today. We need to stop asking God what His will is for our lives, and start asking for daily guidance. I can understand what He means. Sometimes it is overwhelming to think I don't know what direction I'm headed, or what ministry I should prepare for vocationally, but how can I legitimately worry about such big things, while I overlook God's prodding (in this moment) to talk to the woman sitting next to me? God told Abraham to move, and he did, not knowing where He was going to end up. I don't want to get stuck wondering about an overall vision for my life, when I am actually living life now. Every moment I wish for the future, my present slips away as my past. I don't want to be so busy pondering life, that I do not live it now.

I'm thinking about my family and friends. I miss you all.

Holiday in London

Today was a fabulous day! It is a Saturday, and my first day off from the shop. Paul and Sue (a couple from CLC) were kind enough to take me sight-seeing through a small part of London, and it was fantastic.

We began our journey on a double-decked bus, sitting, for my first time, on the top. It took a while to get to...well, I don't really know where we were, but we got off at a bridge over the Thames (pronounced "Tim's") River where you could see the London Eye on your left, and many buildings on the right. Like the typical tourist, I whipped out my camera.

The day was mostly walking, window shopping, and picture-taking, so I will hit the highlights.

1. Covent Gardens -- This is a sheltered market where vendors sell their wares. Products ranged from colorful scarves and knitted sweaters, to "dumpling" dolls and board games. While shopping is not one of my favorite things to do, this is London! I had to buy something (haha).

2. China Town -- Apparently there is a little bit of China everywhere. In Philadelphia...Chinatown. In London...Chinatown! They are everywhere! Paul, Sue, and I stopped at a Chinese buffet (you never know what you will get if you go into a menu restaurant) and ate lunch. It was delicious, of course, and my first meal "out" in London.

3. Buckingham Palace -- Yes, we did go to Buckingham Palace. Unfortunately, the Queen was not in today, though her husband had a parade earlier this morning. We missed the changing of the guard too, which happened earlier on in the day. Instead we stared at the two guards stationed outside the doors. It was hot today, and it's a wonder they don't faint. Amidst other tourists, scout troops, and disinterested Brits, I took pictures and a bit of video.

Oh! We also got ice cream here. It was a bit lighter than the American kind, but thats because it was not scoop ice cream Sue informed me.

4. Covent Gardens -- I know, I listed this place twice, but that is because I made Sue and Paul take me back! I had not bought anything in the morning, but I couldn't stop thinking about a particular item, so I wanted to go back and get it. While we were there we stopped by a small square where there are tables to eat, and a small sound system. Music drifted through the air, and a performer sang. His voice was beautiful! He mimicked some of the shoppers and even traded shoes with one woman, all the while serenading the crowd. The street entertainers are quite captivating, and I found myself wondering what kind of life such people lead.

It may not sound like we did a lot, but we certainly did! My freckles are all well defined now, because the sun was shining quite intensely. It was nice to get off my feet as I rode back in the bus towards my flat. And now it is time to clean a bit! A few of the intern girls are headed over tonight for a slumber party. We will share our adventures and catch up on whats going on in each others' lives. I'm so excited!

Smorgeousboard

I never know what will happen after my day begins. Every moment is an opportunity for the unexpected...though most of the time things are fairly ordinary. :)

This was the first Thursday I worked in the bookshop. Thursdays are our long days: arriving at 9, opening at 10, and leaving at 7:30. I am familiar with the shop and system enough to be fairly efficient now, which is encouraging, and just like on a farm, "the work is never done!" There are always more CDs to alphabetize, posters to price, and books to look up. By the end of the day I have just enough energy to go home, make supper, and go to bed. (And to make a mental note, once again, to wear comfortable shoes the next day!) My idea of reading one book per week and writing letters quite often is proving to be more of an ideal than a reality.

My mind is leaping around, so bear with the random topics.

God has really been close to me this past week. Or perhaps I have been really close to Him, seeing as how He does not move. Anyway, I have been impressed by Him. Did you know He satisfies? He always provides. For instance, this morning I left my loft, but then realized it was cold and went back for my jacket. While inside my bedsit, I saw two very important things I would have left in my loft if I had not gone back. Did God make the morning cold so I would go back and not leave things? Probably not, but I did thank Him for chilly air and my subsequent discovery.

I had some pretty good pasta and a sandwich for lunch. Tesco (a grocery store) has a 2 pound deal (drink, crisps--i.e. chips--and a sandwich/wrap/pasta) that has supplied my lunch twice now.

You know what one of my greatest fears used to be? Monotony. I was afraid my life would be everyday ho-hum. Get up, go to school (or work), eat, come home, eat, sleep. But I guess what keeps everything from being monotonous are the people. Our relationships--and I'm talking about all types of relationships--spice up our lives. I should never be so wrapped up in my life that I fail to see the need of someone else.

It is funny, but I find myself trying not to speak too much on the train/bus/and even in the shop. As soon as you open your mouth people know you are American, and they put stereotypes on you. It's a new experience.

Thankful

My grandmother on my mother's side had skin cancer.

My uncle has seizures.

My dad has diabetes.

As a little kid I used to stare at the ceiling in the darkness of my room. "I am thinking. I am alive," I used to say to myself, "That means, someday, I won't be. Some day I will die."

At that point I would become so frightened I would jump out of bed and rush to my parents' room.

I grew older and began asking, "Why am I alive? What is my purpose?...Sure, 'to glorify God,' but that is all of humanity's purpose. What is mine?"

Today I cannot tell you that I have completely overcome my fear of the unknown, "death" (though I know what comes after). Neither can I tell you what my purpose is...honestly, I'm hoping this trip to the UK will shed a little light on that topic. BUT, I do know some things.

First, I know that before I existed, God chose me.

He loves me so much that He lived, died, and then lived again.

He pursued me when all I did was run away.

He remained faithful when I was faithless.

He gave me two parents who are godly and love me intensely.

He gave me a younger sister who exceeds me in her passion and pursuit of Him.

He has given me a dedicated mentor who prays for me.

He has given me solid friends, through better and worse.

He has given me health and protection, and so many blessings.

I am overwhelmed by His love.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have experienced God's great love. I am experiencing it. I am walking with Him right now, and I'm so overwhelmed with His presence that I had to share it. This does not mean my life is perfect--I still mess it up quite often. We live in a sinful world.

But look at our God. Is there any greater? Is there anything He cannot do? Is any problem too difficult for Him to handle?

Has God ever lost his holiness, or put aside His love?

Does God change?

No. He is always faithful.